40 Page Shitty Times Toilet Paper Manuscript
Content Warning: Makes reference to healing emotionally from rape and alcoholism.
Description: It was a shitty time. Read, wipe, discard, and move on.
In 2018, I wrote a 40 page poetry manuscript in Google Docs to process and heal from the trauma of the past—rape and alcoholism. It was an act of being present with difficult memories and also a celebration of recovery. I was 3 years sober at the time and felt safe enough to rediscover feelings I could not name from the past when I was in silence and pain.
Only in 2023 did I revisit this Google Doc manuscript as a relapsed alcoholic (p.s. relapse is totally a part of recovery, keep going)! I decided to deepen my own understanding of this grief I continued to carry…and try to discover more about my unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
I typed every word onto this toilet paper as a form of catharsis—a final reckoning with the past shitty experiences. This is a book I will always cherish filled with formative moments that took 10 years to fully integrate into my own healing and peace. I don’t ever want to publish the poems in a traditional book because this was a performance and publication for myself.
Today I am sober again. I feel a real sense of peace with it all. I am excited for what is to come—once again, grateful for poetry and performance as my form of simply being. And now, I can’t wait for the final act of this poetic object performance—TO FLUSH IT ALL DOWN THE TOILET.
Dormant Roots Still Need Water, Ash(ley) Michelle C.
(Writing in a google doc: 2018 in Bandera, Texas)
(Typing on toilet paper: 2023 in Guadalajara, México)
-toilet paper
-typewriter
Coca Cola Trash Poems
Description:
Is it trash?
Is it a poem?
Is it an art object?
They who find it can decide.
These objects started as litter or cans that I collected in my own kitchen and on the streets. They then got a poetic facelift and were placed in grottos back in the streets as a form of self-publishing and conversation with anyone who passes by. I want my poetry to live in unexpected places and ways.
Litter --> Poems
1. collect cans from street
2. collect cans from friends
3. spraypaint
4. hand paint
5. write a poem
6. fill with concrete
7. re-litter the streets
Location: Oaxaca de Juárez, México
The Original Poem:
Aaaay sí, una coquita pa’l calor,
una coquita pa’ sentir un amor:
refrescante–un aliento de vida
rebosante–¡ey! todo con medida
el enemigo–dicen los revolucionarios
la cura–susurran los octogenarios
y el doctor me ha dicho que la coca
me hará daño así que la dejaré de tomar
en el próximo año… durante la cuaresma.
The Translation:
Aaaahhhh yeah, a lil sumn for the heat,
to feel the love, a tasty treat :
refreshing–a breath of life for a tired bunch
overflowing–so tasty but don’t drink too much
the enemy–the revolutionaries will shout
the cure–old folk say when you’re sick and pout
and the doctor told me
coke will make me ill
so I'll stop drinking it
during Lent…
according to god’s will.
Ash(ley) is a country-girl, romantic scum, pastoral eroticism poet. She's genre fluid; and her style—she got it at ross and stock shows. Her poetry has been published in SWAMP, Bullshit Lit, Tiny Spoon, and is also self-published on the streets in what appears as manipulated trash/poems/book/objects. You can find her on instagram @c.ash_m or twitter @ash_m_c.
