Wei He
A Big Red Balloon
A 10-Minute Play
A few minutes before the moon rises.
HAMILTON stands on the top of a giant red balloon.
HAMILTON
A giant red balloon is floating in the city.
The hugeness of the balloon is beyond your imagination. So you cannot tell that I’m standing on it right now. Just like it’s hard to perceive the roundness of the earth.
Isn’t it interesting to think about? How a flat surface expresses the immensity of something round. Hey, this is philosophy. How many of you know philosophy? That means I’m smart. Teaching philosophy to a bunch of college students can be my next career choice when I am too old to be in this business.
Oh, I haven’t introduced myself. I’m Hamilton, a professional killer.
My profession is a traditional, noble business. Like anything old, like, like a piece of antique furniture, it’s always about being classy and beautiful. Okay, I will give you an example. Anybody smoke cigars here? Anybody? Well, if you smoke cigars, you need to cut a cigar and light it before you can enjoy it. My target is just like a cigar. The goal of cutting a cigar is to open up the cap without cutting past the shoulder, a visible line where cap and body meet. Here, can you see it? A tiny dent. Squeeze the cutter closed. The cap comes off neat and clean. Lighting a cigar can erase the possible trace of any irregularity of the cut and its aftermath, the shocking, hideous effect to the eyes. It is a process of achieving balance and delicacy. Remember to use the hottest part of the flame, the part above the visible flame.
That’s where the invisible danger is. The rippling excitement. The burning cordiality.
I’m waiting for my new target. All my previous targets are male. A gender that easily screws things up. My new target, her name is Lola. I’ve done some research but I dug up almost nothing. I only knew she’s a food designer and she is mesmerized by round things. I think this balloon must be one of them.
What I am standing on now is a pretty balloon. It must be looking like a red orange from afar. Oranges are lovely fruits. Tasty, juicy, healthy. Especially those red ones. THRILLINGLY SWEET.
The balloon is still growing, and rolling forward very slowly. Slow enough for me to remain on top. I’ve been waiting for three days, a new record for my ambush time. But the longer I wait, the more patient I am. I’m curious what universe this woman harbors in her heart.
(looking around)
The balloon just passed her apartment. I’m sure she has seen it. Isn’t this balloon serendipitous for her?
For both of us?
LOLA joins HAMILTON on the balloon.
HAMILTON
Hi.
LOLA
Oh, hi. I didn’t expect I would see someone on the top.
HAMILTON
(imitating Michael Jackson’s moonwalk)
This is my personal spaceship.
LOLA
(looking around)
Nice view.
LOLA lies down on her chest and stretches her arms.
HAMILTON
What are you doing?
LOLA
I’m hugging the balloon.
HAMILTON
What for?
LOLA
It may sound strange to you, I have a passion for anything round. Roundness is too perfect for humans to achieve. So I like round food. I design round food.
HAMILTON
Like a bagel?
LOLA
Yes, like bagels, and donuts, and pies. And, and macaroni.
HAMILTON
Macaroni is not round; it’s a tube.
LOLA
But its both ends are round.
HAMILTON
All right.
What’s your name?
LOLA
Lola.
HAMILTON
Lola.
LOLA
No, L-O-L-A. You have to twirl your tongue, try to make it a circle. L-O-L-A.
HAMILTON
Your name sounds like you’re tying your tongue into a knot but it’s not long enough.
LOLA
What’s your name?
HAMILTON
Hamilton.
LOLA
Your name makes me think of a reliable car on a quiet street.
HAMILTON
Why?
LOLA
I don’t know. All the Hamiltons I know are good people, nice, harmless, a little vulnerable and awkward.
HAMILTON
It’s just a name. Names usually convey expectations. They don’t necessarily deliver real facts.
LOLA
What do you do for a living, Hamilton?
HAMILTON
I have an ability of giving one man’s life trajectory a hard twist and tying it into a dead knot.
Hey, knot! My job features the roundness you’re seeking.
LOLA
You’re a novelist?
HAMILTON
Wow, you’re amazing. How did you know? When I said it so vaguely.
LOLA
That sounds a lot like a piece of pulp fiction. Making characters veer from their tracks and fall off the cliff.
But roundness doesn’t function as a dead knot. A dead knot is an exclamation mark, it has a shocking effect, but that’s all to it. It’s dead. Like a bad joke fails to stir the air and falls flat on the ground.
What I’m looking for is flowing, changing constantly. It’s malleable. Like, like lake water, turns into vapor in summer heat, and becomes clouds in the sky, and falls back onto earth as rain. The life of water is a circle.
HAMILTON
But our life is a one-way journey, not a round trip.
LOLA
Well, I guess I’m thrilled by that attainable unattainability.
HAMILTON
Hmm, interesting. So you’re saying it feels like you can get it but actually you cannot?
LOLA
I guess so, it’s not easy to articulate.
Thank you.
HAMILTON
For what?
LOLA
For being interested in my whatever this is. It doesn’t benefit the world the way an ideal does, not as motivating as a childhood dream, not as comforting as a religious belief, lasts longer than a whim.
HAMILTON
I will just call it an idea. A thought. Something tucked in a corner of your heart.
LOLA
It’s so quiet here. Is the balloon moving?
HAMILTON
Yes. Very slowly, though. We just passed 42nd Street.
LOLA
Isn’t this balloon a miracle? We can’t get this marvelous stillness anywhere downtown but here.
HAMILTON
That’s true. I enjoyed the quietness when waiting for you.
LOLA
What? You were waiting for me, did you say?
HAMILTON
Yes, I was.
LOLA
Do you know me?
HAMILTON
You’re my target. I’m a professional killer. I was hired to kill you.
(takes out a cigar, about to light it)
Hope you don’t mind.
LOLA
Actually, I do.
I’m pregnant.
HAMILTON
You’re pregnant?
LOLA unbuttons her coat and caresses her belly lovingly.
LOLA
Only for a month. So it’s not obvious yet. But I can feel a tiny curve already.
HAMILTON
I’m a professional killer. A good one who knows what he’s doing all the time. Top-notch.
LOLA
Do you know what the embryo looks like in a month?
HAMILTON
I never fail to accomplish my mission.
LOLA
My tiny baby curls up in a bubble. Like this big.
(gesturing with her thumb and index finger, in a baby’s voice)
Hey, Mommy!
HAMILTON
That’s adorable.
LOLA
Hey listen, Hamilton, I’m not asking you to let me go. I’m just begging for more time. To give birth to my baby.
A pause.
HAMILTON
Have you thought about the name?
LOLA
Of course! Thousands of times every day.
HAMILTON
So BAGEL for a boy, MUFFIN for a girl?
LOLA chuckles.
LOLA
So far my favorite name is ORANGE. A beautiful, round fruit. Juicy. Sweet. Exactly my expectation for the baby.
HAMILTON
(surprised)
Orange is my favorite fruit.
A pause.
LOLA
Give me eight months. My baby needs that long to be ready for this world.
The moon comes up.
LOLA
We get a full moon today.
HAMILTON
Okay, eight months. I can wait that long. On the full-moon night in eight months just like this one. You will give birth to your beautiful baby here, on this big soft round bed. I will see you here.
LOLA
But what if the balloon bursts? It could be pierced by the waning moon.
HAMILTON
I’ll protect it. I’ll prevent the balloon from bursting.
LOLA
See you in eight months.
LOLA exits.
HAMILTON
Maybe I can become a philosophy teacher in eight months. Or a novelist.
(hugging the balloon, feeling its breathing with his palm)
A tidal, moon-driven breath.
HAMILTON wants to leave but doesn’t.
We can see a gleeful hesitation in him.
End of play
Wei He is a bilingual playwright from Inner Mongolia who teaches creative writing and video game design at The Chinese University of Hong Kong, Shenzhen. She holds an MFA degree in Dramatic Writing from Carnegie Mellon University. Her play, My Birthday Party, won Against the Grain Theater Festival’s international college playwriting competition (Buffalo, NY) and premiered at Twelve Ways to Play Theatre Festival (Public House Theatre, Chicago). Her opera, Get a Hat for Its Feather, was commissioned by Pittsburgh Opera and premiered at Opera Theatre Summerfest. Her plays, short fiction, and poetry in English and Chinese have been published in the United States, Canada, and China.